Self-care in winter is perhaps more important than any other time. The shorter, colder days can leave us feeling blue, while the post-holiday crash can leave us burnt out. I was recently reflecting on my own self-care while performing a daily winter task- tending the hearth.
To be honest, my reflection started as feeling annoyed. I was frustrated that I had to start our wood-burning stove again, just as I do every winter evening when I get home from work. “I wish I could just blast the heat and not bother with this!” was my thought as I arranged the paper and kindling that would be the base of the fire.
Tending the hearth as a metaphor for self-care in winter
Thankfully, I have been working on myself long enough to know that it is rarely the situation that exasperates me. It is usually the story I am telling myself. In this case, the story was something like this. “If I had made better decisions earlier in my life I’d own my own house. Then, I wouldn’t have to deal with the electric heat in this one. And if I had more money I could turn the heat all the way up, and I wouldn’t need to use the stove. Then life would be easier and I’d be happier.”
That brings me to the first of the lessons learned from tending the hearth.
Changing your perspective changes everything
I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes for a few moments, and took a deep breath. Then I opened my eyes again looking for things to be grateful for. It didn’t take long to find some. My puppy, lounging comfortably a few feet away. The sound of my son giggling in the other room. The cozy place we live and the Christmas tree with pictures of our family snuggled among the branches.
Then I wondered how I could look at my task differently. I am someone who really enjoys sitting and watching the fire once it’s lit. And tending the fire brings me intimacy with the element of fire that I wouldn’t enjoy otherwise.
Then I was flooded with memories of my father building fires when I was a child. I loved watching the flames and the nurturing warmth they provided. Soon I was grateful for the opportunity to do the same, and to provide that warmth for my son. Now in a more introspective and mindful headspace, I spent the rest of the evening pondering the other lessons that I could glean from tending the hearth.
It’s easier to keep a fire going than to restart it
Keeping a fire burning is easy compared to the sometimes tedious task of convincing the logs to start burning. The same is true of tending to ourselves. Whether it is taking care of ourselves physically, nurturing our creativity, or tending to our emotional and spiritual lives- starting is often the hardest part.
I can easily forget that when trying to make a change or start something new. I feel like it will always be this hard, but it won’t. Not that there won’t be hard days, but they tend to be more sporadic once we’ve gotten going. There will be times that the flames don’t burn as high or as brightly, but that is ok. Often a lull in the flames occurs just before a piece of wood lights up. The same has been true in my growth. Often, the feeling that my fire is going out is followed by renewed hope, happiness, or a creative surge. I can trust that even when I feel like my motivation or faith is only embers if I feed it consistently it will again become a strong flame.
Diversity is the secret to a warm fire (and life)
Despite my best intentions, I can still fall into black-and-white thinking. If I find something that feels good, or seems helpful I am likely to think I need more of that. (And nothing else.) Building a fire helps me realize that isn’t true. If you try to build a fire with only twigs and thin branches you will have a raging fire for a few minutes. And then it will go cold. However, if you try to start a fire with only large logs, chances are it will never light at all. E
The same is true of the ways we feed ourselves. If I do only things that bring immediate pleasure, I will likely feel good for a moment. And then I will be quickly disillusioned and feel unfulfilled. However, if I pursue only my long-term goals, and allow myself no enjoyment or rest in the process I will likely give up long before I reach my destination. I need both things that I can enjoy now, and to work towards the future I desire. ven the things that I would avoid if I could often hold a gift that is waiting to be discovered.
Time, air, and space ease overwhelm
Another strategy for self-care in winter can be seen all around us in the natural world as the plants cease blooming and the animals slow or sleep. Often when I’m feeling unhappy my first thought is to add something- to start a new practice, if I’m in a more enlightened space. On other days, the addition of something new might be more along the lines of buying a new pair of earrings or eating a box of cookies. Of course, these rarely actually help if I am overwhelmed.
What I really need is to give myself time, air, and space. The same is true of a full stove that is only smoldering. It rarely needs more wood, which will usually only smother it more. If I allow myself time to reconnect or rest (especially when I feel like I don’t have time to) situations that seem overwhelming often shrink back down to a manageable size.
If stillness alone doesn’t help, many times if I spend time outside I find myself refreshed. See Connecting with Nature During Winter for ideas on enjoying nature during this season. Or, if I give myself a break from the normal routine I am gifted with the clarity on how to better manage difficult circumstances or overwhelming emotions. Sometimes the best question is this. “What can I give myself permission to not do today?”
Sometimes you need to clear out the ashes
The final tip for self-care in winter is that sometimes we have to clear out the ashes. A stove that has too thick a layer of ashes will smother a fire. Similarly, there are times when we cannot continue to enjoy the present or pursue future goals unless we do some housecleaning.
The ashes of past regrets, unforgiven acts (by ourselves or others), or unhealed wounds require us to sift through our past and clear out what no longer serves us. This can be done with a trusted companion, through mindful self-reflection, and through rituals that help us say goodbye to the past.
Keeping your fire burning- self-care for winter
For many, winter can feel a bit like forced hibernation, but if we shift our perspective it can be a time to slow down and give ourselves the self-care we need. The natural inclination to go within during the cold winter months can serve us, provided we don’t do so to the exclusion of all else. Self-care, after all allows us to be there for others, to plan our future, and enjoy our present.
Taking time for rest, reflection and healing allow us to move forward. And it will help make the coming year the best that it can be.
