Is making the most of hard times just a form of spiritual bypassing? No. You don’t need to deny that things are challenging, or try to escape your feelings to make the most of hard times. Just the opposite. Hard times happen, life gets “lifey” whether we like it or not. Making the most of hard times is about opening our hearts and souls and feeling our feelings.
I feel as though the last month has been a journey through a swamp. At times the stench of unexpected challenges has been nauseating, and my feet are sore and blistering from the wet. And yet other moments have been like seeing a heron majestically take flight, or discovering a pool you thought was stagnant and dead teeming with minnows. It has gotten me thinking maybe swamps get a bad rap.
Wouldn’t we all like to spend all of our days on a sunny mountaintop? At least we think so. We imagine that lounging in warmth, beholding beautiful vistas would make us eternally content. But would it really? Aren’t many mountaintops barren and windswept, with the altitude leaving us finding it difficult to fill our lungs? On even the lushest peaks, isn’t it the view of the valley we have come from, or the one ahead that makes it breathtaking?
Yes, we seek the peaks, but it is the valleys that are most fertile. That is where the growth happens. It is ok if we aren’t enthralled with that. If we were always able to appreciate the hardships that make us grow, we probably wouldn’t need the growth. No, in the swampy depths of the valley we are more likely to be aware of the mud and our cold, wet feet.
So how can we make the most of the swampy moments (or months) in our lives? There are a few things that will help us get the most out of the unpleasant lessons.
Tips for making the most of hard times
Be present
Who wants to be present in the swamp? To make the most of hard times shouldn’t we point our heads toward the mountain of our goals or back toward the good times of our past? No, while that might make a good platitude, it doesn’t work well in practice. There is a reason we are in the swamp. There is a treasure to be found there. And wistfully remembering better days, or trying to distract ourselves with some future happiness will make us miss it. To find the bog’s treasure we have to feel our aching feet, admit our unpleasant feelings, and recognize the bird song in our souls. If we are able to stay present to our body, emotions, and soul we will be more likely to notice the hidden gifts in our struggle.
Rest, but don’t stop
Sometimes we need to keep moving forward. Other times need to work the earth in front of us. Unearthing the hidden motives and traumas that are creating a stench in our lives or our moods. There is also a time for rest. There is, but rest is meant to be a respite, a pause to replenish and recuperate, not a permanent stop. The time for rest and the time for action will be clear if we are able to be present to all parts of ourselves. We will know when fatigue is a call for rest, and when it is a sign that we have been still so long that we are stagnating.
Don’t mistake the terrain for the journey
Making the most of hard times requires we maintain some perspective. When we are going through a difficult time, it is easy to become convinced that the darkness will go on forever. “This is just the way things are, and will always be,” our fear cries. But, we are not having a dark life, only a dark time. There will be mountains, and we will climb them. Then looking back for a moment, we will be amazed at how far we’ve come. We may even be able to see that the swamp made us into the person we needed to be to climb the mountain. It was the training ground of the soul.
Be open to all possibilities
Sometimes while going through difficult times we put on metaphorical blinders. “I have to get out of here, and I know how to do it.” But if that was true, if there was no growth to be had, the Universe probably would have let you soar over the swamp. Or maybe would have provided an alternate route, maybe one with a hot spring and a spa along the route. Allow yourself to be open to the possibility that you don’t know exactly why you’re here. Allow the crow to lead you to a path you would never have chosen. Or allow the deer to reveal a clear pool that will nourish you in ways you couldn’t imagine.
To make the most of hard times be present, proactive, hopeful, and open
While I sometimes wish it weren’t true, the only way to make the most of hard times is to be there. There, ankle-high in mud. There where the path is slippery and the way is hard to see. Making the most of our challenges requires we get to know ourselves better, grow in our trust in ourselves, and also allow ourselves to be led. The swamp is real, but it doesn’t go on forever. May you find the treasure it contains for you.
