Learning to enjoy the possibility of something good sounds like it should be easy. I thought so until it wasn’t. I had struggled for so long and worked hard to build a better life for myself and my son. So, when things started to go well and had the possibility to get even better, I was surprised to find my anxiety increasing. It didn’t make sense! Then again, our inner worlds rarely follow the rules we think they will or should.
Let self-criticism fade
After I moved past my initial self-condemnation and stopped asking “What’s wrong with you?” I started to accept that the way I felt didn’t have to make sense to my logical mind. And it definitely didn’t have to line up with my outward circumstances. I had been fine with them not matching when my circumstances were difficult, but I had serenity, after all. As I started to pay attention to my inner dialogue, the reasons for my anxiety began to emerge. I found myself constantly barraged by criticism for the past. “Don’t screw things up this time!” When I wasn’t beating myself up, I was waiting for the Universe to drop an anvil on my head. “Don’t get too excited, you’ll just be disappointed.”
Focus on the effort, not the outcome
Somehow, with the approach of exciting possibilities, I forgot the faith that had gotten me to that point, to begin with. Faith in myself, faith that I deserved good things, faith that I would be able to handle the bad with the good. I had to consciously remind myself I have the resources and support to handle whatever comes my way.
Then, a friend reminded me that whenever I’m disturbed, I should look at what I’m doing differently than usual. I had to put the focus on my efforts, rather than outcomes. Was I happy with my level of self-care? How was I treating those I loved? Was I balancing working toward my goals with enjoying my life in the present? I looked honestly at the answers to those questions and made the adjustments I needed to. Not surprisingly, my mood improved.
When fear strikes, hit back with gratitude
Yet there were still moments when I think “this is too good, it can’t be true.” In those moments I use a strategy touted by the best-selling author of “Daring Greatly” and “The Gifts of Imperfection” (and other great books), Brené Brown. When I start to fear that everything was going to fall apart. I express my gratitude, instead. Not for what could be, but for this moment, right now. I say, “Thank you for this opportunity.” That gives me permission to enjoy the possibility, without feeling like I’m counting my chickens before they hatch.
Enjoying the possibility takes patience
Like any change to our thinking, don’t expect to master enjoying the possibility to become second nature overnight. Be patient with yourself. After all, we are hard-wired to look for danger, whether that danger is in the form of a hungry lion or an opportunity that may not come to fruition. But, with practice and patience, we can start to enjoy the pleasure of possibility.
