“Love Your Past” is good advice, although I know it can sound about as logical as loving a kidney stone, or a three-headed monster. I’m at a point where I need to do some looking back. Not in order to regret or lament, but because I need closure. I need to benefit from the bigger picture afforded by the passage of time and sort out truth from fiction. I need to practice a deeper level of forgiveness towards others and myself.

I have trepidation severe enough to register on the Richter scale. I have fears about the intensity of emotion that might come forward. I also have a fear of getting stuck in hindsight, of loosing my focus on the present to an extended and unfruitful look at the past. Lastly, I know I will see some things about myself I’d rather not admit.

Reflecting on the past, and even coming to love our past, can be beneficial if we can do it without romancing it as the “good old days”. We have to avoid the temptation of only remembering the good, and turning a blind eye to the bad. Similarly, we have to avoid seeing ourselves or others in a purely negative light.

Perhaps there is no completely ‘safe’ method to healing the past. Getting closure is an inherently painful process. It is akin to removing a scab to treat an infected wound, acutely painful but in one’s long-term best interest.

So I brainstormed the questions I would ask a coaching client who presented a need for closure.

• Why is this situation still important?
• What feelings come up when you think about this situation?
• Typically we feel a lack of closure due to unresolved anger and/or guilt. Does that resonate with you? How can you resolve those feelings?
• How can you take responsibility for yourself in regards to this situation?
• What needs did this situation fulfill?
• What needs are being fulfilled by holding on to it?
• What about this situation made you feel alive?
• How is dwelling in the past taking you away from moving toward your future?
• If you’re willing to let go, what does that really mean? What will you have to do?
• Ultimately, what do you believe will happen to you if you let go?
• What’s the deeper truth about this situation?
• How can you embody your core values now in regards to this situation?
• How could you symbolically let go of this situation?
• How can you remember to let go when you think about this situation?
• Do you need to take any action steps to gain closure?

The beauty of these questions is that they will likely lead each questioner in a different direction. For me, they led where I needed to go. I hope the same for you because to love yourself you love your past, for that helped shape you.