Positive Disintegration sounds like an oxymoron. There was a time when if I saw my history, or me as a gift, it was surely a tragic gift. Much of my life thus far has been an unfortunate testament to how emotional intensity and impulsivity can destroy relationships and careers. Although my relationships have been more stable in the last several years, at one time were as unstable and unhealthy as they come. I’ve been the doormat girlfriend, the girlfriend from hell, and everything in between. Looking back it’s almost as if I’ve had several lives in which I’ve been a series of related but different people. I’ve been extreme in areas there aren’t even support groups for yet, from road rage to genealogy, and seem to tear my world down on myself every few years.
Until recently my life seemed to be a set of random tragedies, miracles, failures, and victories that I would never be able to comprehend, predict or control. I was losing hope fast. Then a late-night Internet search led to my exposure to the theory Positive Disintegration by a Polish psychologist and psychiatrist named Kazimierz Dąbrowski. I was intrigued by his theory that suffering from anxiety, depression, guilt, and self-doubt are not necessarily symptoms that should be treated, but must be treated within the context of one’s personality and personal history. He believed these experiences play a key role in the development of personality and that those who suffer from them most often and most acutely were those with the greatest potential for advanced development, which is characterized by authenticity and autonomy as well as virtues such as compassion and empathy.
Could it be that my sensitivities and intensities that I had so long loathed provide an opportunity for growth through Positive Disintegration not granted those less tortured? In particular the description of what Dr. Dabrowski termed “Emotional Overexcitability” sent chills of recognition up my spine. Overexcitability (OE) is used to describe a heightened experience of stimuli resulting from increased neuronal sensitivities, in other words, things are felt more deeply and intensely due to biological factors. Emotional overexcitability’s intense emotions and strong affective expression described my experiences more completely than anyone ever had. He also noted that those with high levels of overexcitability were more prone to suicide and self-harm; issues I struggled with in my teens and early twenties. As I read further it was as though Dr. Dabrowski’s description of the other types of OE (psychomotor, sensual, imaginational, and intellectual) pieced together my seemingly disparate traits and experiences into something coherent for the first time.
The Theory of Positive Disintegration states that most people experience what he called “primary integration”, a state where there is little inner conflict and one’s actions are dictated by instinctual drives and social norms. Occasionally conflicts arise (Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration) but the alternatives are essentially equivalent in that neither is perceived as being higher than the other. If one doesn’t progress to the third level, he returns to the first. Though comfortable, these first two levels do not offer any true autonomy. I doubt I ever experienced primary integration; I seem to have been in conflict with myself since birth.
Occasionally, something suddenly changes and one’s perception becomes multileveled; suddenly there are higher possibilities for who we wish to become. Unlike before, there is a lower and higher road at the fork. If one sees this distinction and chooses the lower road, feelings of guilt, disappointment, self-doubt, failure, and shame often result. Far from a pleasant experience, this level, which Dabrowski called “Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration”, is a form of spiritual crisis and is often symbolized as a death. Once this level begins attempting to return to primary integration becomes psychologically dangerous and nearly impossible, as one is qualitatively different than before. If one tries to continue in their former life there is a feeling of unfamiliarity and unreality in once comforting surroundings, and a sense of absurdity makes going back torturous.
For myself, I believe that my worst psychological crises have been when I’ve experienced spontaneous multilevel disintegration and tried to regress to primary integration. There is however another choice. The fourth level is “directed multilevel disintegration”, in which one begins to take an active role in the development of their personality. Through auto-education and auto-psychotherapy one develops an awareness of which aspects of oneself should be developed and which must be overcome. While at this level one may still experience inner conflict, anxiety, and depression, there is new freedom and energy that strengthens one’s urge for autonomy and authenticity.
This blog will follow my journey through the process of directed personality development in the hope that I will someday reach the final of Dabrowski’s levels, “secondary integration”. In this level, as one approaches their personality ideal, their inner conflict finally subsides. And as cognition and emotion merge choices of every proportion become easier to navigate and guilt and self-doubt subside. Today I am full of hope. What a gift to be able to reframe a lifetime of struggles as high potential for personal development that has yet to be realized!
